This is a cow, but not just any cow. He's a Nazi. He has a special hatred for cancer patients. He is trampling a once-spritely little girl to an early, painful death while spitefully flipping you off. He has life aspirations to direct child snuff porn, and he's probably thinking about the quickest way that he could Fed-ex your family to the basement of Hezbollah headquarters, making sure they're all wearing macaroni-stained "Freedom isn't Free" t-shirts. This is the worst cow in the world.

We will call this cow "Tucker Max."

One day, an uninspired, depthless farmer named "Tanner" drank Tucker Max's milk and was overjoyed. This sex-deprived, wife-beating farmer had never tasted such wildly delicious milk.  Tanner told his lifeless, miserable farmer friends about Tucker Max's milk. Soon, everyone in the town of Beerstittia couldn't get enough of Tucker Max's milk, and even sooner, the whole countryside would walk for hours just to get a taste. Tucker Max the cow couldn't have been prouder of his little-girl murdering, philanthropy-despising self.

Over time, however, Tucker Max's milk wore out its welcome. His teet was just milked one too many times. It became sour and chunky, and the people of the countryside grew weary. Only Beerstittia still reveled in its prized possession: the milk of Tucker Max, the worst cow in the world.

Then, on Friday, September 25th, Tanner and the rest of Beerstittia brought Tucker Max out for a picnic, to try once more to spread what they considered his delicious milk. They called the picnic "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell: The Movie".

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1220628/

Unfortunately, nobody outside of Beerstittia attended the picnic, and the fatted calf was slaughtered for a delicious, hateful, anti-semitic steak dinner that Sunday evening.

And thus concludes the tale of Tucker Max, the worst cow in the world.