Arizona Diamondbacks
Los Angeles Dodgers

San Francisco Giants

Colorado Rockies

San Diego Padres

                Besides the AL Central, this was the most difficult to pick. Obviously Manny is going to smoke the ball all year (while also pissing everyone off so they don’t pick up that option for a second year) and between Furcal, Hudson and Blake they’ve added enough to make them an above .500 team. But dear God, look at that rotation: you’ve got a guy who broke his leg slipping on ice, a 21 year old, a Japanese pitcher who was old before he came to America and then Jason Schmidt and Randy Wolf, not to mention a closer with thighs that only Bill Clinton could love.  Conversely, the Giants rotation is filthy; if the kid Sanchez is half what he can be, that’s one of the best rotations in the NL. But Randy Winn is also your opening day right fielder and some kid named Kevin Frandsen at second. Frandsen sounds like the name of the kid who used to do the football teams homework. When you constantly have to rely on 2-1 wins with the namesake of the Beach Boys closing games for you, you’re in trouble. So I went with Arizona, it’s a good rotation with a lot of inning eaters, and eventually, all that talent has to come around, right? I think Upton and Drew finally put it together this year and that team just ekes out the Dodgers. Poor Colorado - that Matt Holliday trade was basically admitting that the 2007 World Series was the most they’re going to get for a long time. Aaron Cook might actually be the worst number one in baseball. And Jesus, San Diego; you know your team is headed in the wrong direction when a divorce got in the way of winning. By midseason Adrian Gonzalez and Peavy might just light each other on fire during a full embrace.

NINJA

Arizona Diamondbacks
San Francisco Giants
Los Angeles Dodgers
Colorado Rockies
San Diego Padres

             I generally agree with you here. Arizona is semi-loaded, and the "semi" is strictly due to the fact that their young players might NOT develop into all-stars; this seems unlikely. Justin Upton is now eight and a half years old, and he is already primed to be a top 15 player in baseball. We saw how much older brother Bossman Junior singlehandedly murdered the Red Sox in the ALCS last year, and Justin, by all accounts, is a better player. I also think JD Drew's little brother Stephen will finally emerge from his semi-disappointing first couple of years into an above-average offensive player, and Chris Young and Conor Jackson compliment Upton well.  But the Diamondbacks are all about their rotation, and the top 2 of Brandon Webb and Dan Haren are as good as any in baseball.
             I think the Giants have a better chance than LA to dethrone them, however, mainly for the reasons you mentioned. Chad Billingsley is probably LA's best starter now, and they are really relying on Clayton Kershaw a year or two before he should be relied on. Manny isn't playing for a contract anymore, so we can expect his average to be a little below .400, and the sighs of relief heard from LA the last couple days gives you all the indication one needs to know how much offense they have around him. Meanwhile, the Giants arguably have the best pitcher in baseball (Lincecum), one of the best #2's in baseball (Cain), and a potentially rejuvenated Big Unit in a massive pitcher's park. Sure, their best offensive player is Aaron Rowand, but the NL West can be won with 85 wins, anyway.
             Colorado has the potential to give up 1,000 runs. San Diego has the potential to score 500 runs.

TOM
 I think really the only thing left to discuss is this: who's the worst GM who happens to run a team with an assload of cash on hand - Colletti or Sabean? They're like your two friends who have been drinking way too much lately and someone should probably say something but they look like they're having fun so you'll just wait for a catastrophe. Renteria, Pierre, Rowand, Blake, Schmidt, Zito are the names of the ugly girls they've hooked up with. My only contention Nick is that since I think Manny is playing for the opt-out, he might even be more dangerous this year, simultaneously hoping to put up huge numbers while being just enough of an ass to force the Dodgers out of second this year. He'll probably hit a home run then feast on Blake Dewitt to replenish his strength.

NINJA
NL CENTRAL:
Chicago Cubs
St. Louis Cardinals
Cincinnati Reds
Milwaukee Brewers
Houston Astros
Pittsburgh Pirates

              The Cubs are the division's most complete team, and I think they will have it locked down by the beginning of September, like 2008, despite the uncertaintly of Carlos Marmol closing. I think the Cards rebound from a 4th place 2008 finish to a strong 2nd; Pujols will obviously rake, but Ryan Ludwick stepped up last year to become a solid second option, with solid splits both before and after the All-Star break. Meanwhile, a full season from Colby Rasmus will only add to the Cardinals' firepower, and 32 year-old Troy Glaus is still good for somewhere around 25-90-.270. Chris Carpenter's return to the starting rotation will be lovely as well.
              I think the Reds pass the Brewers this year. Sabathia gave Milwaukee a bump they desperately needed last year (if only to be demolished in the playoffs), and he's wearing pinstripes. Their offense is still phenomenal, but Eric Gagne and Trevor Hoffman will be good for fifteen blown leads between them anyway, and their starting rotation is well below average. Cincinnati is still raw, but still has Harang and Arroyo at the beginning of the rotation, and a young, good nucleus of offensive players in Jay Bruce and Joey Votto.
              Houston still has a great 3-4 in Lance Berkman and Carlos Lee, but pretty much nobody else. Pittsburgh did a shit-ton in the offseason to improve their team, signing world-renowned slugger Eric Hinske, but they are still one of the worst teams in baseball.

TOM
NL Central

Chicago Cubs

Cincinatti Reds

St. Louis Cardinals

Milwaukee Brewers

Houston Astros

Pittsburgh Pirates

                You and me have some major differences on this clusterfuck of a division. First off, I hate this division, everything about it. The fact that the Cubs are an absolute lock to win from day one only to vomit all over their shoes like a drunken prom date makes me so angry. I don’t even want to talk about them, they’re the least likable "cursed" team I can think of: An overrated ball park that used to have aluminum siding on the outside, more blonde girls who know nothing about baseball but think they look cute in a cap than even the Yankees and Angels, a team full of horrendous contracts, etc. But that’s right Red fans, you read right, I'm bumping you to number two. They’re going to shock the hell out of everyone this year. Volquez, Cueto, Harang, Arroyo, I like it. Jay Bruce and Votto are genuine stars in the making. I don’t think even king Albert can bring this Cardinals team up to two. I know they always shock us but too much stuff happened last year, that’s not going to happen this year, that made them contenders. Kyle Lohse and Joel Pinero are not pitching like that again, Ludwick and Ankiel can’t be THAT good. Let’s not forget the whole slew of other problems they have: Skip Shuemacher at second is going to be like watching old people fuck, Khalil Green’s a dirty hippie and Chris Carpenter and the magic soul patch might have just run out of Mojo. Forget it Milwaukee, Prince Fielder’s going to be wearing a Red Sox hat by mid season. At least me and Nick agree on the certain bottom of the barrel. You want an argument for a salary cap in baseball? Look at the Houston Astros. More toxic contracts than San Francisco,  Los Angeles, and AIG put together. This team is ruined for a decade because of Carlos Lee and Miguel Tejada. Someone buy Roy Oswalt a drink or a tractor. No wonder the best option they had was adding Mike Hampton this year. If you had to pick one team to be an aging veteran on, wouldn’t it be Pittsburgh? No expectations, you’re probably overpaid, brand new ball park. I’m going to ask Matt Morris if I can take his spot in the rotation a couple days, no one would notice.

NINJA

        Our massive differences, Thomas, involve switching the Reds with the Cardinals? Really? As if I'm going to be completely hung up on defending St. Louis? "Bulllllllshit! I will SWEAR by Khalil Greene!" You're like Switzerland declaring war on Canada.

        I generally agree with you about the division - just kind of unlikable down the line. They're a lot like the Big Ten in basketball. Maybe I just don't like the middle of country? Okay, I just don't like the middle of the country.
    

TOM

NL East

New York Mets

Philadelphia Phillies

Atlanta Braves

Florida Marlins

Washington Nationals

                Ok Philly fans, because I know you’re all going to snap at me (EDITOR'S NOTE: I bet there are, like, four Phillies fans who read Shatterfaced, Tom) (TOM’S RESPONSE: one Phillie’s fan is frightening), let me say that I’m putting you two down as tied by the end of the season with a playoff game. And I think it’s going to be the greatest playoff game since '78. It’s just in that game I take Santana over Hamels, I do, I’m sorry. In a long series the Phillies demolish the Mets, and if they meet in the playoffs it’s Philly without a doubt. But this is it New York Metropolitans, the window is closed after this year. No more Delgado, an aging Beltran, Jose Reyes losing interest quicker than a drunk freshman girl, Bernie Madoff laughing his head off while itching his home monitoring bracelet. If it doesn’t happen this year Minaya has to be gone, right? I don’t get you, Atlanta. Arguably the best or second best farm system, and you’re taking up rotation spots with Lowe and Vasquez right before the impending Mets implosion?? You save that money and wait two or three years you guys are back on top and maybe trying to convince Manny or Matt Holiday to play in the South. Now you’re loaded with a 36 year-old with a bad contract and a certifiable head case who couldn’t pitch a big game if you threatened him with castration all while simultaneously pissing off the cornerstone of your organization by chasing him to Boston. Atlanta is going to piddle around in mediocrity for a couple years now and probably end up losing Chipper Jones (who strangely enough might also look good in a Red Sox cap if Mikey Lowell doesn’t cut it). Florida is just a tragic case; when can I buy my Las Vegas/Oklahoma City/Portland Marlins hat? Instead of sending the Bills to Canada do you think we could give them back the Nationals, the Nashville Predators and a franchise to be named later? America needs the cap space right now. 

NINJA
New York Mets
Philadelphia Phillies
Atlanta Braves
Florida Marlins
Washington Nationals

             Switching to baseball for a second, I agree totally with your NL East order of finish, except I don't think it will be as close - I think the Metropolitans run away with it. I REALLY think they should switch Putz and K-Rod's roles (because Putz is a better closer), but K-Rod should be fine closing in AAAA. (Side note: I should really write an article about the importance of names. If you have a cool name, you are immediately a little bit more revered than anyone without a cool name. If J.J. Putz had the name "J.J. Stryker", he would be the Mets closer. If Francisco Rodriguez went by "Francisco Rodriguez", he would at least receive a challenge from J.J. Putz (and would be beat by J.J. Stryker). The only reason I've heard of St. Mary's guard Patty Mills is because he's a 5'10" black shooting guard named Patty Mills. It's crazy. Sorry, I'm done). Considering the amount of games (regular season and playoff) the Mets lost in the last three innings over the course of the last five seasons, fixing that problem was crucial, and you gotta give Minaya credit for doing so. Wright, Beltran and Reyes is as good a core as any in the Majors. This is not to say Philadelphia will be bad - I think they take the Wild Card pretty easily.              
             Atlanta has talented scouts up the wazoo, but poor management (Atlanta Braves? Meet Indianapolis Colts. I'll leave you two alone.) Who knows what Florida is gonna bring to the table? They're either going to win 40 games or 100 games and the World Series, and 29 people will be as excited as when they found five dollars in their jeans two weeks prior. And the Washington Nationals made their first step back from putridity by forcing Jim Bowden to resign this week. That was a not-so-good era, one might say. Isiah Thomas makes jokes about Jim Bowden at parties, and people laugh.

TOM
Totally agree on the name thing. Poor JJ Putz playing in NYC; Seinfeld's reviving his career off that. Speaking of Seinfeld, Mets fans, that's your number one celebrity, and he made a show where one of the main characters worked for the Yankees as a dream job. Every sport has its main rivalry (Lakers v. Celtics, Ohio v. Michigan, Duke v. UNC, Red sox. Yankees) then every other rivalry. This is an" other" rivalry. With the main rivalry, both teams could be appallingly bad and it's still going to get more people watching than the ancillary rivals. The reason is because we've built an image out of the stereotypes of the two teams. With Yanks Sox the Yanks were the corporate giant with the professional players with the winning past. The Sox were the lovable losers with players who seemed more interested in drinking and fighting rather than playing. The Mets? Second placers where one championship is more known for Buckner's game 6 fuck up than the Met's game 7 win. The last vestige of character we identified with the Phillies left with John Kruck's testicle and the end of their losing ways. Don't get me wrong, I htink this rivalry has some real potential, but we need blood. None of this preseason predicting and pithy little comments back and forth. We need skin in the game, from the guys who we identify with the team. We need a Wright Hamels brawl, Delgado Moyer old man scrap. It would certainly make the season a lot more entertaining.

Predictions

Tom
Chicago v. Phladelphia
Philly in 5
New York v. Arizona
New York in 4
New York v. Philadelphia
Philly in 7

MVP: David Wright
Cy Young:  Brandon Webb
Rookie of the Year:  Tommy Hanson

NINJA

Chicago v. Phladelphia
Chicago in 5
New York v. Arizona
New York in 4
New York v. Chicago
Chicago in 7

MVP: Manny Ramirez
Cy Young:  Johan Santana
Rookie of the Year:  Colby Rasmus