NOTE: Our fourth contributing writer is Edward Parade. No, that isn't this person's real name. Enjoy.

Following the landslide victory of Senator Barack Obama (D-Il) the Republican National Committee has accused the American electorate of misusing the provisions of affirmative action and fulfilling a quota of at least three African Americans in the federal government.

“It’s a sad day when the American people have chosen to overlook merit and a lifetime of hard work to elect someone solely based on the color of their skin,” RNC Chairman Mike Duncan said today in a prepared statement to the press.

Since the development of affirmative action in the 1960’s, opponents of equality and diversity have argued that such measures only work to create barriers in both the workplace and in institutions of higher education.

In his emotional statement the Chairman lashed out at 52% of the American population. “There was only one opening for that particular office, and in 2008 it’s an outrage to think the American people didn’t bother to weigh in test scores, military service, overall experience or words typed per minute.” Duncan went on to add that, “Undermining the lasting legacy of the executive office by means of reverse racism is beyond reprehensible.”

When questioned about his personal race relations Duncan reassured the press corps he had, ‘two or three colored friends.’